England victory certain

June 26, 2010

Despite the predictions of Paul the Octopus (who I believe to be the innocent dupe of Bavarian betting syndicates) I confidently predict an England win tomorrow.  Its the first of a three stage war re-enactment that will take in World War II, the Falklands (quarter final) and then the Armarda (semi final).  Don Fabio and the English press will be fully behind it and, unlike our new Prime Minister, I will be mentioning the war!!

After that it will be Brazil in the final.  Piece of piss.  Enough said.

Then it will be 1966 all over again.  I could have played in that final but FIFA banned me on the grounds that my steel leg would reflect the sun’s light into ‘Der Kaiser’s eyes, giving our lads an unfair advantage.  Then Geoff Hurst stole it to provide the metal for a hasty replacement trophy after the original got stolen.  That was nothing to do with me either, and the fact that the original ransom note is in a Durban exhibition hall while I am here too is entirely co-incidental.

Am off now to make my Nacho Libre mask for Mexico V Argentina.  My plan is to run onto the field, snip off Messi’s real leg, replace it with my spare plastic one and then exit quietly stage left.  With the mask on and the Mexican wave I’ll have started going strong, nobody will see me.  Its flawless.

Dave ‘El Pinko Panthera’ Ambuscade


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