Don Fabio Expects

June 12, 2010

The nation awaits the latest results of Don Fabio’s manouverings later today.  Intervening in the Mexican Gulf to distract the US and foster a degree of anti-english feeling that will take the US team over the top to will allow our glorious boys to go over the top under cover and round the back coming in off the flanks to deliver a killing blow early doors.
Dave’s predictions are a team comprising Green, Johnson, Terry, Nat, King, Cole, Milner, Gerrard, Lampard, Cole, John, Lennon and Desparate Dan the Growth Hormone Man.  With a 3 – 1 England Victory within grasp.  Nobody needs to mention Don Fabio’s ‘Sicilian Heritage’ and the ‘influence’ that can bring to the behaviour of certain members of the USA team.  Omerta my friends, omerta.
The English weather has been imported specially.  My arrival on its own has resulted in a freak cold front sweeping the country with temperatures in the key venues resembling the cold wigan nights I remember from my own footballing days.  I’d like to see Ronaldo coping with freezing temperatures with just a freshly killed ferret to warm his crack and a mild and bitter at half-time.  Mind you, he probably has a sheepskin jockstrap.  In my time the only sheepskin we got was the one we hid inside to avoid the other team’s fans after a ‘cunning’ victory courtesy of a well nobbled referee.
I’m off now to see the plucky South Koreans defeat the Greeks while passing my hollow leg around the bar, filled with Ouzo and Rice Wine. 
Bafana Bafu**ed!!
Dave ‘In Fab We Trust’ Ambuscade, Durban, South Africa


3 Responses to “Don Fabio Expects”

  1. Fritz Von Sauerkraut Says:

    Achtung Schweinhund! Your half-witted prediktion of ze score az 3-1 to den englander was as faulty as ze sandwich of ze British Rail of which you peeple are so very very fond! I spit on your bowler hat!

    Thanks to ze greasy fingered so-called ‘keeper of ze goal’ of your team (not so much a team, as a motley kollection of ze ASBO-children and assorted vife-beaters, I am korrect in this assumption, yes? I spit on your bowler hat! Ah ha ha!) has fallen in almost-defeat to zat nation of stumbling cross-eyed fatsoes, ze U S of ze A! I would laugh in your podgy english face were my breathing not so restricted by my efficiently laced german man-corset!

    For you the world kup iz almost over, englander, and rest assured that your bowler hat will remain moist with my phlegm for the duration. Schwarzwald Torte!

    Fritz Von Sauerkraut.

    • Mein Herr Sauerkraut.

      Your teutonic over-confidence will, as always, be your undoing. Your kinky man-corset fools nobody, you zwie euro Reiferbahn he-strumpet! Defeating a team of pouch dwellers full of beer is no prize as your arrogance reveals. The inherent fallacy behind your ubermensch persona is shown for what it is, a team of automata sustained only by the failed policies of the past. It will not be enough to use the offspring of Mengele on the pitch. They will be defeated!. With luck the glorious (and wholly british) god of football will contrive a second round meeting between us and then ve vill zee vat ve vill zee fritzee!

      Besides, I toured bavaria with Rotheram Cattle Breeders in the late fifties. Me, Nobby the Nobster and our coach, the thrice hallowed ‘Pelican’ Jimmy ransacked your bavarian ladies and gave them pleasure they described as ‘beyond ze tiny vormz of our menfolk’. They still write to me, their letters stained with ‘ze memoriez ov your love zat ze tiny men of our country cannot match.’

      Your team has shot its bolt too early, the lion shall eat the eagle yet!

      Dave ‘remember the alamo’ Ambuscade

  2. Jim54 Says:

    Sorry for commenting here but I can’t seem to find the right place. You had an excel chart for the World Cup. I love it! However, the Round of 16 data is not right. Is it set so that it will only be completed after all the group games are over? Thanks

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